Sanity On Trial (AC Throwback) 09

The defendant is crazy the world tends to claim
The plantiff is I as I report this shame
This idea of who you are what you represent
Has ripped me in two and made a serious dent
Just ask yourself why and maybe you could say
What led you to acting and being this way
So vengeful and hurtful a mind out of whack
It's not a moment that you can take back
I want the death penalty for this heinous crime
I cry cause I need you almost all the time
Though tears become fears that make it surreal
Do you know how you really made me feel
Like I'm lost like I'm gone with no sense of being
I thought it was hope and love that I was seeing
My point was made I rest my case
Just look to the defendant the truth is on his face"

Looking Back

This is not a poem obviously. I was just going through some of my old notes on Myspace(soooo 2006) and I can see the very truth in the statement that the more you change, the more you stay the same.


For awhile I was thinking that my sensitivity had taken a nosedive for a lack of care. It's the opposite actually lol, it's because I realized the world is truly a complicated place with complicated people, and I must admit my expectations have lessened. Now whether that's a good or bad thing remains to be seen.


As I head to my next b-day I'm more convinced then ever that I have found my identity, at a cost of learning of how the world really works. I needed to be thrown into something serious due to the fact that I've grown up rather naive. Naive being an understatement. I did not either understand or accept what was out there for me.

Now that I do... it's all about what's next, and what's next is a party.... next week I celebrate... totally free and strong... after that... on to the next endeavor.

Proof Of Life

Through the fire of desire it'll take me higher
I'm doing this life sentence with no crimes no priors
You believe what I'm saying displaying these lines
Understanding this life is that true blue grind
Every day you feel it going out into the world
Not knowing what affects every boy and girl
You're no different than me with the highs and the lows
Sometimes we don't know where the hell this life goes
But truth be told we wake up every day
With a lot to do and plenty to say
I'll never be as happy as when I'm living that life
Maybe one day chilling with my wife
But that's what it's about trials and tribulations
Understand what I'm saying feel the situation
Proof of life is breathing one hour to the day
No need to believe and no need to pray
Cause the proof we have is where we stand
Proof of life in this golden land

Untitled

She will never understand what she means to me
It's why I don't try as much to get her to see
Just show it in my actions in my every day thoughts
You will always be the one for who I so hardly fought
It will always be love with so much more to say
Never taken for granted and expressed every day
I find myself thinking that I have to try more
Push myself harder like never before
But then this comes natural so it's very easy
Don't worry babe I won't feel so queasy
Loving the idea that you view me so high
Loving you and that fact is not a lie
You are the apple of my eye
So let's keep us good and on the fly

Anti-Hero (AC Throwback 2008)

It's a mask that I wear to hide the truth
If you could see me now you'd have the proof
A phony a fake a man without cause
A moment to leave you all with a pause
Tortured Soul that feels that all is lost
This mask I wear that's at a great cost
For my secrets my heart to be kept aside
To avoid the idea of swallowing my pride
The masks engulfs me clouding my thought
Erases the ideals that I once so hardly fought
This mask creates me neither bad or good
This mask destroys me like I thought it would

Pitch Black (PoetAC Throwback 08)

Unseen in the night is the pain of years
Unnoticed in darkness is the emergence of fears
Love is gone with no hope no light to remain
I can't see I can't see I'm going insane
Forgive all my sins my trials of destruction
I hope if I pray I get pitch black's reduction
I'm walking around this vision I try to enhance
With no luck no savior not a ghost of a chance
Tell me you love me it will bring me some light
I won't feel that I can only live free at night
Don't believe it you see it its just that I can't
With this darkness around me all I can do is rant
Faith and belief go hand in hand with sunlight
Darkness and despair complete the dark's fright
I'm losing I'm lost I'm under an attack
I guess thats how it feels when it's Pitch Black

Getting Over You (AC Throwback 2008)

I loved you three times the first was the worst
Like a play written wrong or poorly rehearsed
When you told me the truth I lost all hope
For a time like a year I could not cope
Broken hearts don't mend they bleed as they heal
You'll never truly know but my pain is real
Forgiven perhaps no way I could've missed
The darkness in mind when I remember your kiss
You were poison before but now you're salvation
You provide me with power a new motivation
To leave this sadness this doubt behind
For a day for a time to clear my mind
I'll love once more I know that is true
You want to know why well because I'm over you

I believe (PoetAC Throwback 2008)

I believe in ideals like the ones that you knew
I believe in ideas like the sky that turns blue
I believe in the power of love like the heavens
I believe it could heal me again times seven
I believe in my tears that I've cried once before
I believe in the thought that there could be more
I believe in the sight in the vision of grace
I believe you can return the smile to my face
I believe in the strength of a family or friends
I believe in the day where there's no means to an end
I believe in the soul like you told me there was
I believe in the heart and that's just because
I believe I believe I believe in these words
I believe I believe that they fly like the birds

Advice not taken, advice displaced

I've been advised about a thousand times
Though I realize it's on me to walk the line
You should say this or you should do that
You have to be agressive or just stand pat
What I found out is my way often holds true
O yes what is the world coming to
I always asked a question unsure of my beliefs
Truth be told the advice would give me grief
Now I feel more mature less passive and strong
Decision making is easier all day long
It's amazing how it changes when you're all alone
Those people who advised you left you on your own
But it's the best thing that has ever took place
Thinking about it brings a smile to my face
A growth in my life that I've never seen
I think you guys know what I mean
You learn every day to do what's best for you
If you stick to that advice your sky will always be blue

Untitled

With anything in life you wish for the best
When it comes to me you will be my happiness
As I dream of this world can't see you not with me
I want you to feel the same way hopefully
I've lived through not knowing who I really was
For reasons known and unknown and also because
The people out there never came close to you
I guess the saying that's out there is true
You need those people to teach you the way
But eventually those people leave someday
Then you meet that right person that completes your life
I am patiently waiting to make you my wife
If not that may you be my love for all time
Maybe you'll agree before I finish the line
I'd trade it all for you and that's how I feel
If you knew the truth you know that I'm real

The Most Unstable Stability

In essence define a relationship break it to a tee
Believe it or not sometimes it's chaotic to me
The simplest things can get you so damn mad
Yet it's those same things that's the best you ever had
Love is mad sometimes out of control but as calm as the sea
Sometimes it's as quiet as a summer's night tree
You see the ends to the means yet you never pull the trigger
You realize in the scheme of things it's about something bigger
Now what that may be is a crisis of heart
Or it's something so easy like shopping at Walmart
You understand what I'm saying it's stable but it's not
The calmest but craziest ride if I haven't forgot
You can be removed from the world but be in touch with her
You can lose touch with her but remember what we were
Confusing perhaps that's the feeling that you'll get
It will always be another sunrise or sunset
As I close the book I will remember the truth
As unstable as it seems our stability is the proof
That true love conquers all whether stable or not
The only thing that matters is I love her a lot

Perspective with All Due Respect

Learning to hone and complete my voice
Doesn't exist without a complicated choice
Instead of black and white there are shades of gray
Have to watch what you put out and what you say
Maybe not because you might offend the masses
It might be because you'll never know what passes
Some people learn to be politically correct
That's their cause and what they expect
Others shoot first and ask questions later
It's those people that generate haters
I don't hate but I see the theory
That you'll end up alone and very weary
Not sure where this goes but I'll try to explain
Even if so I might do so in vain
In the past year I have seen my past disappear
As it crumbles so does my fear
But sometimes fear is a very good thing
It keeps you active and always thinking
My emotions have become more honest and forthright
Less than who I was a change like day to night
Has it left me more open to attacks from all sides
I feel more vulnerable even though with less to hide
This fascination sensation of emotion
Has led to a couple interesting if not big commotions
And with that I know that my life has done a full turn
I could say I'm a little worried but damn I'll let it burn