The Store

I'd meet her everyday thinking of new things to say
How are you and is everything okay?
I imagine her reply with glee she always replied
Even if her answers would come with a sigh
The store was a getaway 30 minutes all day long
A time I could release to her what's wrong
She listened to me because she wanted not had to
I listened to her because I felt what was true
I'd meet her every day thinking of new jokes to make
Like your hair looks silly oh you're buying that cake?
We never kissed or hugged it wasn't what this was
I didn't need a why or who not even a because
It was just a release to go to the store
30 minutes away from what kept me to the floor
I didn't love her but I loved her company
Am I wrong to think that's all she wanted from me
30 minutes past and I said goodbye
All I had was her store and I left with my lie

A Window Shopper For Happiness

They're unsatisfied with it all can't find that inner peace
So when it comes to their dreams they desist and cease
Instead they begin to look in your direction
Judging their lives through you is their obsession
Everything they do they try to do better than you
Because your life is perfect and to them its too true
To them it's a window to a time they can't see from
Waiting for realities that they know they won't see come
Shopping for Happiness without buying the goods
Wish you could see the beauty that I could
But instead you see your flaws and magnify them to the sky
And you're looking at me out of the corner of your eye
To see if I'll ask if you're okay or any thoughts of advice
Though to know if you're struggling they'll pay any price
It's not even the enemy you see that shows up daily
It's the friend that really believes that your joy is their failing
Shopping for Happiness without putting the effort to try
And you're wondering why you're living this lie
There isn't a price on happiness yet you're willing to pay it
If you're not that happy for me why don't you just say it
I wish you can take something from the moral of the scribe
Instead of taking these words back analyzing them with the tribe
Take it for yourself and learn from the words
Stop shopping for Happiness it's free from the birds

Faith

It's something we don't have yet we preach it to the sky
It's something we take for granted but lose it if we cry
Faith is a tool for us to follow and take heed
Yet we don't have faith in faith indeed
Seeds get planted with doubt in your mind
Seeds turn to flowers one of a wicked kind
Lose faith in me and you've lost faith in you
Without faith how do you get through what you go through
On a daily basis in different types of cases
I could see the lost faith on all of your faces
I see it in my own and it's hard to describe it
When you don't have it you need it in order to survive it
That's faith in you in me in him and she
It's a faith that the world wishes it could see

Distorted Beauty

There is beauty in the cracks we see in society
There is strength in the weakness I see when you lie to me
If I knew who we were then I knew who we'd try to be
I sigh because I believe in the rights we aspire to see
Yet I pause and cry for what we lost in the fire
To see progression is my only desire
And I digress no less with the vigor of my youth
In my mind to survive it's my mind to the truth
That the little successes can't prevent the mistakes
Though I know that within I'll never forsake
What I've seen and learned through the years
May you never be handcuffed or controlled by fears
I still am in some ways and it follows me for days
I fight it off though so I'm not in a craze
The moral you ask there is beauty to treasure
Even in darkness there is beauty to pleasure

Ultra-Violet

Summer summed up in the form of the beach
Sky so colorful I can't help but reach
That moment of peace my mind so clear
Yet filled with images so near and dear
To my heart color red change the rainbow
Blue lighted building where did the rain go
It's a vision of a time that's mine in the sun
A future and a present that I know I'll run
Color of purple like the book and I'll turn the page
Color of green like the money in this golden age
My past my present and my becoming all in my light
So before I see too much and go blind tonight
I close my eyes and let the rays take me in
Knowing I'm forgiven not stirred or shaken
Ultra-violet rays just like this edict says
Ultra-violet rays are the most perfect days

Signatures

Sign on the dotted line sign of the times
Sign of the signs signed in my mind
Cross my I's and dot my T's
Symbolism for me framed on the trees
My Signature of life assigned to the pad
My signature is aligned to the life I had
Sign me up in the ink known as dead red
Sign my life away in the words that I said
Isn't the point to point at the sign in the sky
Signed by you with more tears to cry
I couldn't sign a contract so compact
Knowing I signed it left a feeling abstract
Signed by my heart crossed with my tears
A signature I know would last through the years
So in this a signature is the life line don't pull the cord
Signing what's left over that I know I can't afford

The Road (Part I)

For awhile it was closed couldn't travel this road
Carrying too much baggage too heavy of a load
I guess it was what I could see in my rearview
I never really understood what I was going through
Lost in my ways as I traveled away
Little did I know I'd have nothing to say
Because I remembered it all like it happened again
I had no thoughts and no smiles to send
It hurt me I know it did because I told her in my dreams
The truth about my flaws and marks everything I've seen
Still the road got darker as it was meant to do
In the darkness there's the light of the truth
To be continued as I ride forward in the line of fire
I say damn to myself as I know my heart tires
As the road twists and turns in what was meant to be
To where does this road lead for me

Life Cycle

So many times I said I'd never get over it
2 years later I can't even remember it
Cycles of life where change is a reminder
That in dark times you'll find something kinder
So many times I thought it wouldn't change
1 day later the new feeling feels strange
Cycles of life where new is old pretty fast
Times that were celebrated times that didn't last
So when I speak of the feelings I used to project
I looked at it from a brand new aspect
Cycles of life where what wasn't now is the mode
No crystal ball in life just what the times have showed
And in that moment I can't lie to my eyes
Cycles of life as I begin to realize
Expect the unexpected as the time grows near
Change is guaranteed and it's hard not to fear
But the truth in the matter is each time I've grown
In each life cycle that growth I've shown

Silence

The awkward sound of nothing as I know she's gone
The words come to my mouth but it's all wrong
I stare at the clock waiting for a minute to pass by
I can't hear the ticks though and I don't know why
She said something but it can't come to my mind
Frantic breaths as if I'm in a snakes bind
I don't hear them either as I sit on my bed
The sounds are clear like sounds of the dead
Pictures and videos play back in my head
Holding back tears that I don't want to shed
I walk to the wall and see a photo of you and I
I look with the hurt of a thousand lies
I scream with frustration but I can't hear myself
It's as if the volume as been set to stealth
It's over stop the fight no more violence
And I end this as I started in complete silence

Allure

Enticing her because I know that's what she needs
Attracting her because she's full of that greed
Not a bad greed but the kind that makes you want her more
An excellent reminder of what you've never had before
It's the way she looks that pushes you to look better
Used to be boring but now you're a trendsetter
Take her around the world knowing that'll make her smile
Give her gifts that make her know she's worthwhile
And in this you realize the power of her allure
It isn't her getting the best of you it's just that you're sure
Of the investment in stock that'll take you to the moon
Her smell her touch all have you in a swoon
No longer feeling normal as she's pushed you to the edge
That fear that exhilaration as you stand over the ledge
Jump in with your heart and ask questions later
In knowing there's no chance you'll ever hate her
And in this you realize the truth in her allure
That loving her makes you that much more pure
In your ways for the rest of your days
As you rest your laurels on what she says
Allure me to allure you and that's the theme in my heart
I say this knowing I was allured from the start

Connection

Persistent to be alone in my battle to survive
Yet my desire to connect still remains alive
In the recesses of my dreams I don't know what I mean
Maybe it was something I didn't notice something unseen
The reason why we all require a connection
In truth reminds me that in each other we see a reflection
Of ourselves in strengths weaknesses and the like
Muscle memory doesn't forget like riding a bike
Yet I walk the road alone keeping me to myself
Taking a chance on disturbing my emotional health
Disconnected from the idea of accepting a normal fate
Back and forth in my mind at a hyper rate
There aren't any blurred lines like between love and hate
Don't want to lose the distinction and be too late
To discover the wonders of connecting with you
Knowing the joy of finding out each clue
Learning to remember in my life what's true
To have another person understand what I'm going through
A connection in what I've listed never thought it existed
A connection to life I hope I don't miss it

Contentious

Emotions run so high that I feel too low
In dealing with you there is no room to grow
Feet to the ground smaller than small
And yet I'm fighting with you every phone call
Livid because I'm fighting and I don't know why
Understanding that fighting is my version of try
Accepting this state of mind or am I minding the state
Wanting to turn back but this issue ran late
Like yesterday's edition back page headline
It's an ongoing struggle with no end in sight sign
It isn't a lie and that's why it doesn't go away
It's the reason why I haven't run out of things to say
Whether it's black or white or 50 shades of gray
I'm taking this away like it's a bad food tray
Tense and stressful and you made it this way
And for this we'll both have to pay
In my heart though it doesn't end
As contentious as this is my thoughts I still lend

Finding Love On A One Way Street

I was closed before I met you in some ways still cloudy
It doesn't have to be a man who's boisterous and rowdy
Within myself I can't deny that you've changed me in so many ways
In that I analyze these facts for days
Because in you I've become better and worse all in the same
But I'm happy for that because I've grown into my name
My name you ask because before I never fit the bill
Defined by my fear and never thought of for will
Coming down the street only one way that's my way
Fell in love with you and that's all I'll have to say
Even on the days that I'm scared of sharing that life
I know in my heart that you'll be my wife
And the power and fear that bring the questions in my face
Are the very same things that make this one a cold case
As I drive down this one way knowing that you're my one way
Expectations are higher and for me that's okay
Emotions are heightened and it's easy to convey
Love mixed with the nerves have entered the fray
The song is finding love on a two way street
The one way is my way so honey take a seat
Admitting my narcissism is part of the learning curve
But understanding  your love is multifaceted is my learning swerve
And in that I relent to you as I give you this ring
One way isn't my way anymore is what I'm thinking

Forgiving My Secrets, Honoring Your Truths

I'm jealous of the way you inspire what's true
As I think this to myself I can't admit it to you
Call me proud or stubborn the evidence of my years
Fortified by my secrets held up by my fears
I can't help but be humbled and aspire for better
But my individuality my ways are my life's letter
To the law of the call my flaws are my mask
To keep them from you are my life's task
Defeating the purpose of what the truth describes
I believe in my way as I continue to be a scribe
I can love you knowing that you will never lie
Can you love me knowing that I can only try
An essence of the little ones but those are still a shame
I'll never stop trying to change the game's name
As I forgive my ways I am grateful for what you believe
And in that I'll change with no lies to retrieve

Learning To Say Goodbye To Tomorrow

Thinking of a future that I can't foresee
Reminders of that life and what it could mean to me
But today is the chief and all that I can control
It's on the top of my ladder the face on the totem pole
Suppressing the thoughts that shape a beautiful mind
Knowing that tomorrow is something I may never find
So I focus on today not knowing that may come next
Feeling these words as I know they'll be in my heart
Understanding this process is from one I can't depart
Enlighten yourself by not worrying about what's beyond the mountain
Liven yourself by drinking from today's fountain
As I say a tearful goodbye to my thoughts of tomorrow
Just knowing that for me they aren't tears of sorrow

It's Never Enough

When is it enough? It's never enough. Still working on "Finding Peace in The Storm" so while I do that, some free writing here.


I'm never enough is the phrase in my mind
I'm looking for otherwise but I don't see a sign
A discredit a negative seems like it's your statement
I feel like deja vu getting used to your beratement
So as much as I try It's not enough in your eyes
Don't want to tell the truth because the truth is lies
It's never enough so what's the point of asking a question
If it ever was enough then this feeling would lessen
My heart wanting to know why but I fall further in thought
Wondering if I already lost for what I have fought
And in this effort it never was enough for you
And knowing these facts does color what's true
It doesn't matter if I'm hurting or what I'm going through
This isn't the life that I thought I knew
Enough is enough I'm tired of the lie
Knowing that enough isn't realistic to try

War

      

The never ending war like my father said

As we fight for what’s living and for what’s dead

Not just in people but the ideals we stand for

Never has the urgency been this high before

As individuality has been quantified as a loss

With a cult message no matter the cost

I hope that we continue to fight to the day

So at the very end there’ll be more words to say

I won’t live in fear I’ll fight for what’s right

The goal the plan is to bring the truth to light

So that one day I can tell my son

That he won’t fight this war that’s begun

That one day he can express without being shunned

That his thoughts won’t be the only ones

Opinionated politics have given this war a name

Social media has left us with nothing but shame

Standing while seeing the war around me

Continuing the fight is the future I see

Significance of Ignorance

You deem it necessary for me to obey
Then you state that I don't have shit to say
As simple as a word that sharp like a knife
Demonstrating ignorance in this life
Support the crimes you commit I will not acquit
I will stand though you tell me to sit
As small as a drop as hard as the wall
Demonstrating ignorance hold my calls
Looking for a reason to justify your existence
Disrespecting me further with your continued persistence
Demonstrating ignorance you are the villain
Will fight this "evil" with all I have god willin
Significance of ignorance the definition of belligerence
Hope maybe you start to understand the inference
In this lesson I'll lessen your cause for concern
Maybe without a little ignorance you just might learn

The Glass Society

Touch them they break faster than the day
Faster than when the hooker asks you to pay
They tried to stop me but they crack at change
Can never control me far out of firing range
I hit them hard in the jaw cause it's made of glass
I hit them more the more time does pass
You have to hit them because they're all about control
To bend the mind and rule the soul
Free speech and free thought a smokescreen I see
Knowing what this world means to me
I strive to be a leader to be strong as stone
Never will I accept the glass nor will I condone
The lack of faith that exists in the world today
I know now is my time to seize the sun's rays
Let them know that color or gender is irrelevant
Let them feel that leadership is that transcendent
So we break them and breakthrough like a battering ram
We break the glass society simply because we can

Sacrifice

What's necessary for some is vital to others
Like the love of a child portrayed by it's mother
Love that topic as passionate as fire searing the sky
Learning that fire can change the look in your eye
If it's for you I'll do it no questions asked
If you asked me to hide I'll wear a mask
If you asked me to walk through hell I'll say when
Dodging bullets and explosions like army men
If you told me you needed it I'd do whatever I could
Even if I wasn't very sure that you would
It's what I'm programmed to do even if people don't understand
When it comes to sacrifice there is no line in the sand
I'll sacrifice everything to save you always
Sacrifice is the model for the rest of my days.