What tears to a man's eyes mean

They mean that you've lost him don't try to get him back
No more excuses just to keep the charade intact
If you break me that far, then I'm already broken
Chilling are these words that I have just spoken
Not knowing what's next but knowing it will end
Not looking for an answer not looking for a friend
Just wanna stop these damn tears from leaving my eyes
A heart on the mend will be a heart back on the rise
So this idea that a woman is allowed to control the situation
Just makes it more difficult and compounds the frustration
Asking me to give any more then what i've given is unforgiven
Another reason to change the way that you're living
I catch myself when I think of the past
Knowing that those memories never truly did last
Never knew this feeling and never had forseen
Guess that's what tears to a man's eyes mean

Mad Love....

I see it as insane draining the heart
You wonder if you knew it from the start
That this love would be legend for all the wrong reasons
Wishing you had the opportunity to commit treason
It's not how you should think but you do just because
Looking for anyway to get back to where it was
I see people fight for the point of nothing
Though we all really know it turns out to something
After that fighting I see the loving again
This pattern is crazy I know it'll never end
So I observe quietly just to understand it's meaning
Hopefully it's to the point where I know what I'm seeing
Got women saying I can't take this sh*t anymore
Got men saying I'll do the same sh*t like before
It's amazing how people get so mad over it
It's amazing how they're addicted to the crazy idea of it
I guess that's mad love that's what it does
A love that makes you wonder what exactly it was

Bad Girl Gone Good

The Jay song states that a bad girl can't go good
Maybe it's because the man hasn't tried as he should
Always believing that things can get better
Despite the overwhelming odds and stormy weather
Ever meet a girl that broke your heart a thousand times
Always wondering if she's trying to destroy your mind
I did and I learned that you have to repair a broken heart
It takes a lot of trust and patience from the start
It's unfair to judge a book by it's cover
Knowing these ways makes you a better friend and lover
I can't speak for you all but I know in my eyes
She went from the darkness to the light's sunrise
You have to remind her let her know that this love exists
Let her know it's something that she won't wanna miss
And maybe just maybe she'll change her tune
Like from man to wolf at the first full moon
You really think a bad girl can't go good then you're just plain wrong
For every bad girl there is a good one that comes along

Baggage

I wonder if what is meant to be is exactly that
All I know is she left from where she sat
Is it my fault I'll never know or really understand
Knowing that the boy in me has betrayed the man
And left it all thinking that the grass is always greener
Understanding that there's something more sadistic and meaner
Accepting that all losses are a lesson in winning
If I'm losing this game then why the hell am I grinning
I'm no longer mesmerized by the bright lights
I don't feel as if I need that warm touch at night
If that's the case then why am I shivering
If that's the thought then how come I'm quivering
Lie to yourself bag it up and put it away
You'll remember the words she'll always say
That he's better than you'd be on any day
And that's why she really feels that way
Am I gone not really but I'm no longer here
Getting rid of baggage is the equivalent of erasing fear

Denial

Denied a chance at growth this self hate said
Denied a chance at redemption would I rather be dead
These words are powerful yet negative to a tee
Not quite sure what they mean to me
To get smacked in the face smacked the soul right out of my mind
If I could see the whole world I'd rather be blind
I don't wanna talk about it the conversation has died
Since the day I've been around the truth is a lie
As hurt as I am I will never ever reveal
The thoughts and the words that I'll always feel
That's why I'm determined to stay the course
To use that determination as an energy source
Denial of the hurt denial of the last laugh
Denial that I wiped my hands clean in a bath
Denying this all I will keep my name
Denying the fact that I'll never be the same

Sanity On Trial (AC Throwback) 09

The defendant is crazy the world tends to claim
The plantiff is I as I report this shame
This idea of who you are what you represent
Has ripped me in two and made a serious dent
Just ask yourself why and maybe you could say
What led you to acting and being this way
So vengeful and hurtful a mind out of whack
It's not a moment that you can take back
I want the death penalty for this heinous crime
I cry cause I need you almost all the time
Though tears become fears that make it surreal
Do you know how you really made me feel
Like I'm lost like I'm gone with no sense of being
I thought it was hope and love that I was seeing
My point was made I rest my case
Just look to the defendant the truth is on his face"

Looking Back

This is not a poem obviously. I was just going through some of my old notes on Myspace(soooo 2006) and I can see the very truth in the statement that the more you change, the more you stay the same.


For awhile I was thinking that my sensitivity had taken a nosedive for a lack of care. It's the opposite actually lol, it's because I realized the world is truly a complicated place with complicated people, and I must admit my expectations have lessened. Now whether that's a good or bad thing remains to be seen.


As I head to my next b-day I'm more convinced then ever that I have found my identity, at a cost of learning of how the world really works. I needed to be thrown into something serious due to the fact that I've grown up rather naive. Naive being an understatement. I did not either understand or accept what was out there for me.

Now that I do... it's all about what's next, and what's next is a party.... next week I celebrate... totally free and strong... after that... on to the next endeavor.