Contentious

Emotions run so high that I feel too low
In dealing with you there is no room to grow
Feet to the ground smaller than small
And yet I'm fighting with you every phone call
Livid because I'm fighting and I don't know why
Understanding that fighting is my version of try
Accepting this state of mind or am I minding the state
Wanting to turn back but this issue ran late
Like yesterday's edition back page headline
It's an ongoing struggle with no end in sight sign
It isn't a lie and that's why it doesn't go away
It's the reason why I haven't run out of things to say
Whether it's black or white or 50 shades of gray
I'm taking this away like it's a bad food tray
Tense and stressful and you made it this way
And for this we'll both have to pay
In my heart though it doesn't end
As contentious as this is my thoughts I still lend

Finding Love On A One Way Street

I was closed before I met you in some ways still cloudy
It doesn't have to be a man who's boisterous and rowdy
Within myself I can't deny that you've changed me in so many ways
In that I analyze these facts for days
Because in you I've become better and worse all in the same
But I'm happy for that because I've grown into my name
My name you ask because before I never fit the bill
Defined by my fear and never thought of for will
Coming down the street only one way that's my way
Fell in love with you and that's all I'll have to say
Even on the days that I'm scared of sharing that life
I know in my heart that you'll be my wife
And the power and fear that bring the questions in my face
Are the very same things that make this one a cold case
As I drive down this one way knowing that you're my one way
Expectations are higher and for me that's okay
Emotions are heightened and it's easy to convey
Love mixed with the nerves have entered the fray
The song is finding love on a two way street
The one way is my way so honey take a seat
Admitting my narcissism is part of the learning curve
But understanding  your love is multifaceted is my learning swerve
And in that I relent to you as I give you this ring
One way isn't my way anymore is what I'm thinking

Forgiving My Secrets, Honoring Your Truths

I'm jealous of the way you inspire what's true
As I think this to myself I can't admit it to you
Call me proud or stubborn the evidence of my years
Fortified by my secrets held up by my fears
I can't help but be humbled and aspire for better
But my individuality my ways are my life's letter
To the law of the call my flaws are my mask
To keep them from you are my life's task
Defeating the purpose of what the truth describes
I believe in my way as I continue to be a scribe
I can love you knowing that you will never lie
Can you love me knowing that I can only try
An essence of the little ones but those are still a shame
I'll never stop trying to change the game's name
As I forgive my ways I am grateful for what you believe
And in that I'll change with no lies to retrieve

Learning To Say Goodbye To Tomorrow

Thinking of a future that I can't foresee
Reminders of that life and what it could mean to me
But today is the chief and all that I can control
It's on the top of my ladder the face on the totem pole
Suppressing the thoughts that shape a beautiful mind
Knowing that tomorrow is something I may never find
So I focus on today not knowing that may come next
Feeling these words as I know they'll be in my heart
Understanding this process is from one I can't depart
Enlighten yourself by not worrying about what's beyond the mountain
Liven yourself by drinking from today's fountain
As I say a tearful goodbye to my thoughts of tomorrow
Just knowing that for me they aren't tears of sorrow

It's Never Enough

When is it enough? It's never enough. Still working on "Finding Peace in The Storm" so while I do that, some free writing here.


I'm never enough is the phrase in my mind
I'm looking for otherwise but I don't see a sign
A discredit a negative seems like it's your statement
I feel like deja vu getting used to your beratement
So as much as I try It's not enough in your eyes
Don't want to tell the truth because the truth is lies
It's never enough so what's the point of asking a question
If it ever was enough then this feeling would lessen
My heart wanting to know why but I fall further in thought
Wondering if I already lost for what I have fought
And in this effort it never was enough for you
And knowing these facts does color what's true
It doesn't matter if I'm hurting or what I'm going through
This isn't the life that I thought I knew
Enough is enough I'm tired of the lie
Knowing that enough isn't realistic to try

War

      

The never ending war like my father said

As we fight for what’s living and for what’s dead

Not just in people but the ideals we stand for

Never has the urgency been this high before

As individuality has been quantified as a loss

With a cult message no matter the cost

I hope that we continue to fight to the day

So at the very end there’ll be more words to say

I won’t live in fear I’ll fight for what’s right

The goal the plan is to bring the truth to light

So that one day I can tell my son

That he won’t fight this war that’s begun

That one day he can express without being shunned

That his thoughts won’t be the only ones

Opinionated politics have given this war a name

Social media has left us with nothing but shame

Standing while seeing the war around me

Continuing the fight is the future I see

Significance of Ignorance

You deem it necessary for me to obey
Then you state that I don't have shit to say
As simple as a word that sharp like a knife
Demonstrating ignorance in this life
Support the crimes you commit I will not acquit
I will stand though you tell me to sit
As small as a drop as hard as the wall
Demonstrating ignorance hold my calls
Looking for a reason to justify your existence
Disrespecting me further with your continued persistence
Demonstrating ignorance you are the villain
Will fight this "evil" with all I have god willin
Significance of ignorance the definition of belligerence
Hope maybe you start to understand the inference
In this lesson I'll lessen your cause for concern
Maybe without a little ignorance you just might learn