Denial

Denied a chance at growth this self hate said
Denied a chance at redemption would I rather be dead
These words are powerful yet negative to a tee
Not quite sure what they mean to me
To get smacked in the face smacked the soul right out of my mind
If I could see the whole world I'd rather be blind
I don't wanna talk about it the conversation has died
Since the day I've been around the truth is a lie
As hurt as I am I will never ever reveal
The thoughts and the words that I'll always feel
That's why I'm determined to stay the course
To use that determination as an energy source
Denial of the hurt denial of the last laugh
Denial that I wiped my hands clean in a bath
Denying this all I will keep my name
Denying the fact that I'll never be the same

Sanity On Trial (AC Throwback) 09

The defendant is crazy the world tends to claim
The plantiff is I as I report this shame
This idea of who you are what you represent
Has ripped me in two and made a serious dent
Just ask yourself why and maybe you could say
What led you to acting and being this way
So vengeful and hurtful a mind out of whack
It's not a moment that you can take back
I want the death penalty for this heinous crime
I cry cause I need you almost all the time
Though tears become fears that make it surreal
Do you know how you really made me feel
Like I'm lost like I'm gone with no sense of being
I thought it was hope and love that I was seeing
My point was made I rest my case
Just look to the defendant the truth is on his face"

Looking Back

This is not a poem obviously. I was just going through some of my old notes on Myspace(soooo 2006) and I can see the very truth in the statement that the more you change, the more you stay the same.


For awhile I was thinking that my sensitivity had taken a nosedive for a lack of care. It's the opposite actually lol, it's because I realized the world is truly a complicated place with complicated people, and I must admit my expectations have lessened. Now whether that's a good or bad thing remains to be seen.


As I head to my next b-day I'm more convinced then ever that I have found my identity, at a cost of learning of how the world really works. I needed to be thrown into something serious due to the fact that I've grown up rather naive. Naive being an understatement. I did not either understand or accept what was out there for me.

Now that I do... it's all about what's next, and what's next is a party.... next week I celebrate... totally free and strong... after that... on to the next endeavor.

Proof Of Life

Through the fire of desire it'll take me higher
I'm doing this life sentence with no crimes no priors
You believe what I'm saying displaying these lines
Understanding this life is that true blue grind
Every day you feel it going out into the world
Not knowing what affects every boy and girl
You're no different than me with the highs and the lows
Sometimes we don't know where the hell this life goes
But truth be told we wake up every day
With a lot to do and plenty to say
I'll never be as happy as when I'm living that life
Maybe one day chilling with my wife
But that's what it's about trials and tribulations
Understand what I'm saying feel the situation
Proof of life is breathing one hour to the day
No need to believe and no need to pray
Cause the proof we have is where we stand
Proof of life in this golden land

Untitled

She will never understand what she means to me
It's why I don't try as much to get her to see
Just show it in my actions in my every day thoughts
You will always be the one for who I so hardly fought
It will always be love with so much more to say
Never taken for granted and expressed every day
I find myself thinking that I have to try more
Push myself harder like never before
But then this comes natural so it's very easy
Don't worry babe I won't feel so queasy
Loving the idea that you view me so high
Loving you and that fact is not a lie
You are the apple of my eye
So let's keep us good and on the fly

Anti-Hero (AC Throwback 2008)

It's a mask that I wear to hide the truth
If you could see me now you'd have the proof
A phony a fake a man without cause
A moment to leave you all with a pause
Tortured Soul that feels that all is lost
This mask I wear that's at a great cost
For my secrets my heart to be kept aside
To avoid the idea of swallowing my pride
The masks engulfs me clouding my thought
Erases the ideals that I once so hardly fought
This mask creates me neither bad or good
This mask destroys me like I thought it would

Pitch Black (PoetAC Throwback 08)

Unseen in the night is the pain of years
Unnoticed in darkness is the emergence of fears
Love is gone with no hope no light to remain
I can't see I can't see I'm going insane
Forgive all my sins my trials of destruction
I hope if I pray I get pitch black's reduction
I'm walking around this vision I try to enhance
With no luck no savior not a ghost of a chance
Tell me you love me it will bring me some light
I won't feel that I can only live free at night
Don't believe it you see it its just that I can't
With this darkness around me all I can do is rant
Faith and belief go hand in hand with sunlight
Darkness and despair complete the dark's fright
I'm losing I'm lost I'm under an attack
I guess thats how it feels when it's Pitch Black